I sing a little bit. Actually I sing constantly, even when I'm not aware of it I sing. In the shower, in the car, in the kitchen, at work, while grocery shopping, at church, in public, you get the idea. If you're lucky I may actually dance and sing thereby proving that my life is a living, breathing Broadway musical. I don't sing for a living. I gave up on that dream a long time ago when someone I loved and respected told me I wasn't pretty enough to sing for a living. "It doesn't matter how talented you are," he said, "you are not marketable enough to be a singer. You're just too fat." I was 18 or 19 years old, and sadly I believed him. So I stopped singing in public, I turned down my scholarships, and I went to work full time because I couldn't think of what I would ever do other than sing.
Fast forward 15 years and I am still working. Miraculous given the current economy and especially so because I work in finance. I don't think I could get farther removed from music if I tried. There were quite a few twists along that road. I finished a degree in counseling that I don't use. I work for one of the largest mutual fund companies in the world. My desk is a cubicle with gray padded walls, and don't think for a moment that the irony is lost on me there. And while I have a 9-5, a retirement plan, medical and dental insurance and paid vacation time at my disposal, I am not defined by my work because it is not who I am. I may trade mutual funds, but I am not THAT girl. I am not the finance girl who wants an MBA. Not that I am disparaging anyone who is, it is simply that I was never meant to be that girl. And good things have come as a result of being here. I met my husband at work, and I couldn't be happier to have at found the love of my life after so long. Allow me a few more moments before I connect the dots for you all, because I promise you I am not just telling you sad stories--there will be a point to this all.
I have realized that age or marketability has nothing to do with what God is going to do. And I don't actually know what that is or how it's going to take shape. It is simply that after a long time of allowing my dreams to slumber and just making it by, I have decided that it's just not enough for me anymore. I have songs left to sing, and I am declaring that here and now. I will no longer settle for the half-life lived within the confines of a cubicle wall. I will allow God to give me new dreams and I will choose to be a fearless and mighty warrior in pursuing them. I will fearlessly seek a return of health to my body. I will seek to release the negativity and hurt that have weighed me down for so long. I will give myself grace that I haven't allowed myself to embrace. And I will have joy.
And the turtle? She is wise. She perseveres. And she is ever so slightly a late bloomer, a little like me.
"Let everything that has breath praise the LORD. Praise the LORD." Psalm 150:6
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