Turtle's Song

I sing a little bit. Actually I sing constantly, even when I'm not aware of it I sing. In the shower, in the car, in the kitchen, at work, while grocery shopping, at church, in public, you get the idea. If you're lucky I may actually dance and sing thereby proving that my life is a living, breathing Broadway musical. I don't sing for a living. I gave up on that dream a long time ago when someone I loved and respected told me I wasn't pretty enough to sing for a living. "It doesn't matter how talented you are," he said, "you are not marketable enough to be a singer. You're just too fat." I was 18 or 19 years old, and sadly I believed him. So I stopped singing in public, I turned down my scholarships, and I went to work full time because I couldn't think of what I would ever do other than sing.

Fast forward 15 years and I am still working. Miraculous given the current economy and especially so because I work in finance. I don't think I could get farther removed from music if I tried. There were quite a few twists along that road. I finished a degree in counseling that I don't use. I work for one of the largest mutual fund companies in the world. My desk is a cubicle with gray padded walls, and don't think for a moment that the irony is lost on me there. And while I have a 9-5, a retirement plan, medical and dental insurance and paid vacation time at my disposal, I am not defined by my work because it is not who I am. I may trade mutual funds, but I am not THAT girl. I am not the finance girl who wants an MBA. Not that I am disparaging anyone who is, it is simply that I was never meant to be that girl. And good things have come as a result of being here. I met my husband at work, and I couldn't be happier to have at found the love of my life after so long. Allow me a few more moments before I connect the dots for you all, because I promise you I am not just telling you sad stories--there will be a point to this all.

I have realized that age or marketability has nothing to do with what God is going to do. And I don't actually know what that is or how it's going to take shape. It is simply that after a long time of allowing my dreams to slumber and just making it by, I have decided that it's just not enough for me anymore. I have songs left to sing, and I am declaring that here and now. I will no longer settle for the half-life lived within the confines of a cubicle wall. I will allow God to give me new dreams and I will choose to be a fearless and mighty warrior in pursuing them. I will fearlessly seek a return of health to my body. I will seek to release the negativity and hurt that have weighed me down for so long. I will give myself grace that I haven't allowed myself to embrace. And I will have joy.

And the turtle? She is wise. She perseveres. And she is ever so slightly a late bloomer, a little like me.

"Let everything that has breath praise the LORD. Praise the LORD." Psalm 150:6

Welcome to The Turtle's Song!

I am up late. If this isn't odd to you, I should explain that I don't like being up late, you see I am a morning person. One of those weird anomalies of nature that happens only once in every 100,000 births. Or so it would seem. Now I am not one of those up and at 'em morning people. I like to be up early to make coffee, read, pet the dog, take a walk, pretend that I don't really have to go to work in three hours, watch the news and then maybe think about breakfast. I therefore do not go willingly into the late night hours often. Here is why I am awake tonight, I'm cooking. It may seem a little insane to me (and you) that I am up cooking lots of food when I could be getting ready for bed. But when the rest of the week I have ready made chicken, veggies and otherwise simultaneously yummy and healthy food ready to go in the fridge at the beginning or end of the day when I am most rushed and hungry, I will know this was worth it! It will exponentially increase my ability to stay the course and be successful in this journey of losing weight, getting fit, and pretty much having the raddest life possible. That's right, I said raddest. Not just rad, raddest. Need I say more about why I am not allowed to be up late? As if there was any question about whether or not I was a child of the eighties.

Now about what you are probably wondering: Why The Turtle's Song? I actually will explain that in detail...tomorrow. For now, blessings and joy to you all!

Kendra